Our Rainbow Baby
Kiana’s journey to motherhood was anything but easy, but she overcame and now has the most incredible bundle of joy.
Read her story here:
Being a mom wasn't a long-term dream of mine. At a young age, I decided I wanted to only adopt, though having children didn't seem to be on any future radar. Though somehow, it always seemed like a deal breaker whenever I met a guy who didn't want them. It wasn't until I met Chris, my now husband, that I actually made the decision to have kids of my own. That choice quickly turned into a dream, one we weren't sure would come true.
I was happy, confused, excited, scared, everything. How was my husband going to feel?
Chris and I were only married a couple of months when a medical student expressed concerns about my (seriously unwanted) facial hair I had been dealing with for years. I told her she wouldn't find anything, but I was getting my blood drawn anyway, so I said she could check my hormone levels. This simple ask became a difficult conversation between myself and my medical provider. I was told I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and that having children would be an uphill battle, if I had them at all. I went home to my husband, who really wasn't up for trying to have children just yet. I spent the next year trying to get my hormones under control, while accommodating my husband and continuing birth control, mainly because my healthcare provider also recommended I stay on it for treatment as well. Many medications, changed eating habits, and a galore of essential oils later, by the end of that year nothing had touched my hormone levels. My testosterone was the most out of control it had ever been. My heart sank and my biological clock started spiraling out of control. If we didn't start trying soon, I feared not being able to even have a chance of having children. It was after this year that I told Chris I'd be stopping birth control, and that anything in our house that could impact my hormone levels were getting switched with nontoxic products. He wasn't too happy about any of it, though he remained supportive with making my physical and mental health a top priority.
We would start trying on our own. Several months later, not pregnant, my provider talked me into treatments that would help me get pregnant. I took a pregnancy test to be safe and in return was told I was pregnant. I was happy, confused, excited, scared, everything. How was my husband going to feel? What was I going to do. I went home to break the news and was met with tears of joy. Overwhelmed that we'd seemed to beat all the odds was an accomplishment I couldn't wait to share with the world. We made the news public at 8 weeks and were met with all the support of the village we created for ourselves. Two weeks later and two medical opinions present, we were told that our child no longer had a heartbeat. No reason could be given, no fault to anyone, we were told that this just happens sometimes. The healing process started and with trying and losing a baby all within the year of 2018, I anxiously awaited what 2019 would bring. We had been trying for over a year when we were referred to a fertility specialist that will forever have a special place in my heart. I was given a tentative plan for having children of our own. It included a lot of testing and several options that got more aggressive, ending with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). Four months on our first option for treatment later, we get pregnant. I was terrified, but began to see so much hope after being surrounded by my specialist and healthcare teams. We got the all clear after our first trimester, the odds were finally in our favor and were going to have our baby girl that following May. Two years of trying had finally brought us what I'd been wanting since meeting my husband: the family he had always dreamed of and inspired for mine. Becoming a mother meant so much more than anything I could have dreamed of. Russell M. Nelson once said, "The highest and noblest work in this life is that of a mother."
"The highest and noblest work in this life is that of a mother."
Russell M. Nelson
Meeting my husband and starting a life together with him made me want to live up to that honor. I'd spent so much time trying to find where I fit, when the reality is that you fit where your heart is. My heart wasn't always at home, but when I made one of my own I was anchored enough to want to build something that could be greater than me. And let me just say, she's the most beautiful and precious being on this earth. Capturing newborn photos was a must. As our rainbow baby and bright star of our family, we couldn't think of a better way to celebrate her arrival, especially with being born during a pandemic. Call me old fashioned, but I have been creating physical photo albums since my husband and I got engaged. Since deciding I wanted to have children, I've always wanted each of them to have their own, starting with a professional session while they're still new to the world. It seems a little silly, though I hope my daughter looks at these photos one day and sees what we saw and will see throughout her whole life: "She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her," Proverbs 3:15. Since day one, our Kodie Rae Nova has done nothing but shine her way into the hearts of others, and I'm confident she will be doing that her entire life.